Tunnel (1)
On a beautiful Sunday morning, I thought I would take myself to Islington to enjoy a calm morning stroll up Regents Canal. I don’t know why the Regent doesn’t possess the canal, just in case the absence of an apostrophe is offending you. As I took a deep breath and descended the dangerously steep incline down from the road and onto the canal, I reached into my bag to take out my camera. It felt lighter than usual, I’d left the battery out. I considered throwing myself into the algae-filled depths. You all deserve better than what I felt my aged iPhone 13 (in handsome dark green) could produce. But then I realised that being run over by a canal boat would be one of the more embarrassing ways to snuff it, and I walked on.
Bike (2)
There is a great controversy regarding Regents Canal: should bikes be allowed? Let me explain. Imagine you’re walking, dowsed by the sun’s warm rays. Perhaps you’re listening to Lily Allen’s ‘Pussy Palace’ and wondering if watching Stranger Things now amounts to a political statement of support for David Harbour. Then out of nowhere, you’re hit at 18 miles per hour by a Lime Bike, ridden by a woman who is remarkable only for how narrow and rectangular her sunglasses are. The path is only 150cm wide, at best. There simply wasn’t room for the both of you. Maybe being hit was better, it is an exclusively destabilising feeling to think you hear something behind you, turn around only slightly, to see a bike just inches from your person. On the many occasions I have done this, I believe my reaction went something like when a cat sees a cucumber.
Lock (3)
I think there is something rather marvellous about a canal lock. I wanted to write about the leadership of British engineering. How could Britain not have invented the lock? But actually it was invented in China and then invented again in Europe about 400 years later. Regardless, isn’t it magical that there remains today a community of people who know how to make a boat travel down these waterways? It is quite mesmerising to watch and excellent mostly for how deeply inefficient and slow it all is. Traversing the waterway is the lifestyle, there is no other way of thinking about it.
