Melbourne

There are few things in this life that rile me up more than Google Maps opening hours being incorrect. Melbourne seems to have taken a leaf out of London’s book and decided that hospitality should cease entirely at 20:30. Strolling up to a restaurant I’d spent 15 good minutes researching and finding it closed, forced me into a southern bites rip off across the road. My loaded fries goaded me. They knew I was after hummus and aubergine.

Apart from the fact that I own a camera and mostly use it on streets, I don’t really think of myself as a street photographer. I’m always a bit jealous of the people who produce lovely human shots of other people. I was therefore delighted when the open restaurant aesthetics of Melbourne’s Chinatown allowed me to capture this moment of joy. I personally don’t find dumplings that funny, but that’s ok. Comedy isn’t universal. In order to take the photo I had to put my bubble tea on the floor and that was the last I saw of it. The best things in life aren’t free.

I have to tell you, having travelled 4 million kilometres to get to Australia, it really tickled me to find so many place names that were as if I’ve not travelled at all. New South Wales is, in and of itself, a totally ridiculous comparison. I don’t think the Romans made it to Australia, but they’re here now, in spirit.

For those of you not familiar with Yayoi Kusama (author scoffs), her work is the defining feature of Naoshima Island. You can all look forward to a closer examination of that magical place and its artistic features in a future despatch. But for now, here is just a sample, sitting in the heart of Melbourne’s Modern Art Museum. If you’ve recently watched Stranger Things, you would be forgiven for believing this may well eat you and try to turn your small Midwestern town into a dramatic hellscape.

This might come as a shock to some readers, but I only really went to Melbourne in order to go to the Melbourne Cricket Ground or MCG as it is known. India were playing Australia in a T20 and I wanted to take a deep breath of cricket passion. Despite being a home fixture for the Australians, the ground was completely filled with the blue of India. It was amazing. A totally overwhelming physical space. Indeed, it proved to be too much for someone several rows behind me. I would have thought they’d stop a match when a spectator died, but apparently not.

I couldn’t stay at the cricket/crime scene long. Despite it being the reason I’d travelled to Melbourne, it wasn’t the reason I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. Earlier in the day, waiting my turn to eat a fancy brunch, I was told that Oasis were in town. Was I here for the concert? I wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me. With little thought for my delicious avocado breakfast, I used fast thumbs and ever faster fingers to snap up a standing ticket. £80. I couldn’t believe it. Although I thought that Oasis probably hated the fact they were playing at the Marvel Arena, the atmosphere was electric and it was quite life changing to hear Don't Look Back in Anger live. Sally did have to wait though. I was off to New Zealand.